gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
