toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
operation have a gay friend backfired
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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