Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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