Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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