I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
