anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't deserve a penis
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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