Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
