dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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