I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
