Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
