so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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