Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
