Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
