the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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