There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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