dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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