did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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