Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
