Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
