dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
