So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i think im in europe. pls send help
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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