It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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