What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
