I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need moral support for this bender
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Still dying that you shit outside
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
