yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
