Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
