you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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