I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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