How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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