That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
