Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
