please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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