Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
