This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You smell like stripper and shame
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
