I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
