please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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