I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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