ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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