About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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