OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
