I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
