last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
