I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
