my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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