The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
nutella sex= disaster
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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