I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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