billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
