No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
