At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize