I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
