Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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