yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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