i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
