This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
