My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
