I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
