I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
