Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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