You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
