someone threw a dead crab at me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
