Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
