i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
