i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
