Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Blood and glitter go together right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
