wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
