New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
