They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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