Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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