Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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