The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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